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The Poems Page

Now with some rather lame poems & songs too.
(If you wish to avoid spoilers to Game Of Thrones & The Kingís Woman, avoid the bits about them.)

The Dreamcast is a snazzy console
So go and have a burl
It’s got heaps of fun games to play
And a funky little swirl.

Babes are hot and yummy
When they’re sitting by the pool.
They all wear sexy outfits
And they make me want to drool.
Sportscars are fast and flashy
With lots of grunt to spare
They make me turn my head so fast
That I’m losing all my hair!
The Saturn is a fancy box
With lots of stuff on the interior
The games are great, that’s for sure
So it kicks some major posterior.
Knuckles is red
Sonic is blue
Sega is sweet
And the rest are all poo.

How do I say I like you,
More than what you know?
I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me,
And where I want to go.
Please understand
Why I feel the way I do,
All I want is happiness
Between me & you.

Here comes the groom,
Looking like a broom.
Slipped on a banana peel,
And fell to his doom.

Here comes the bride,
Fair slim & narrow,
Tripped on a garden rake
And fell into a barrow.

Here comes the cleaner,
He sure left a mess.
Slipped over the groom,
And tore off his dress!
Windows, sodding Windows,
It’s the biggest pain in history!
From the town of Redmond,
It’s about to hit an Apple tree!
Rock a bye Uriel on the tower top,
If the heir goes, the Empire will stop.
When the amulet breaks, the gates will all fall,
And down will come Dagon, Daedra and all.

A Fine Crow, Mance.
(A parody of A Fine Romance, singing instead about Jon Snow from Game Of Thrones. This is based off the wording that Frank Sinatra sang on the Romance CD we have. Some of it doesnít make total sense, but I thought it would be amusing all the same.)

A fine crow, Mance, with no missus.
A fine crow, Mance, my friend this is.

He should be like
A couple of Hot Pieís dishes,
But heís too cold from
The Wallís big old fissures.

A fine crow, Mance, you wonít regret it
A fine crow, Mance, will he ever wet it?

Robb might as well cross the bridge
Of the old man Frey.
But heís gonna have to pay!
This is a fine crow, Mance!

A fine crow, Mance, with no kisses,
A fine crow, Mance, his sword never misses!

His ďsisĒ may have some clams for a dish of chowder,
But heís stuck here in this endless cold white powder.

A fine crow, Mance ó Whoís his mother?
A fine crow, Mance, heís gotta lotta brothers!

He might well be related to Daenerys,
He should befriend Lord Varys.

This is a fine crow, Mance.

We Didnít Kill The Kingís Woman

(This is a parody of We Didnít Start The Fire by Billy Joel, but with stuff to do with the Chinese TV show, The Kingís Woman. If you have not seen it, and plan to see it, do not read any further, because it has spoilers. If you have seen it, sing on. I tried to do my best to get it to fit with the original song, but it was kinda tricky. It does not follow any chronological order either. Also, a couple of things I mention may notíve been in the show, but that I read in 2016 in an article about Ying Zheng. I also put extra commas in to try and make the word grouping more easy to follow with the original song too.)

Qi, Yan, Zhao, Han, not even Chu can
Get to be competiní, or be beatiní, the power of Qin.
Something red, in the bed, looks like, a severed head.
The King is mad & in a spin - guess heís doing someone in.

Lotsa states to conquer, Lao Aiís big plonker,
Concubines up the duff, Min Daiíd had enough.
Fancy jade, traitor maids, plenty of nice blades
Sliced necks, talks of sex, no one seen in the buff.

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Han Shen, Tian Guang, General Fan & Qin Wu Yang
Li Zhong too - he was blue, when Jing Ke ran him through.
Lady Jing, Lady Han, Han Fei and Madam Chu,
Yes, thatís right, by the end, they had copped it too.

Lan Er, Tian Ming, even good old General Meng,
Zhao Gao, Qing Er - she was working for the King-er.
Dan from Yan had a plan; shoulda sent another man!
Ge Nie vs Xiahou Yang - he finally gets the finger!

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Jing & Lan in a cave! My that girl sure was brave!
Learning moves, Huluo Guide, fancy swords, Bao Ye is snide.
Who has croaked, who did strive? Who the heck, stayed alive?
The ha-rem wiped out now, I think half the cast has died.

Uh huh
Uh huh

Folks of Yan, thanking her. That cheeky King: such a cur.
Ying Zheng, planning soon, another big, scheme of doom.
Jing Ke, getting drunk, letís all hope, he beats the funk!
Zhao Jiís sad, could go mad, assassins in the bedroom!

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

4 brothers, of Qin, Master Ge, does íem in.
ďUncle Han, please donít die.Ē Tian Ming begins to cry.
Yan Dan down, on his knees, who else, can give him ease?
Poison swaps, dowagers drop, rainbows in the sky.
Changping, Cheng Jiao, Fu Su & Li Si.
Lu Bu Wei, had his day, what else do I have to say?

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Danding Gang, mandarins, coughing blood, poisoninís.
Kidnappings, sacrifice, the state of Qinís too dry for rice.
Miss Li Er gets a scarf, next episode, she has a bath.
Miscarriages more than twice, dude that wasnít very nice.
Riding horses, on the run, boy that harem could be fun.
In the prison, getting slashed, lots of blood, skin got gashed,
Sad fates, weapons nabbed, red dates, people stabbed
I donít wanna sound too brash, but that Miss Dilraba Iíd like to pash!

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
But when she is gone
The Kingíll have to go on & on & on & onÖ

We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didnít kill the Kingís woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frighteningÖ

Teddy Bear Poems For Kids (& bigger ones)

ē Thereís a teddy in my toaster.
Yes, heís rather brown.
He isnít really a boaster,
But he sometimes goes to town.

He wears a little crumpet,
And carries a slice of bread.
Watch that knob - donít bump it!
Or else heíll end up dead.

ē My teddy has a fancy tail;
It really likes a touch.
Just watch him with your finger-nail.
It might wear out too much.

ē Ooh! Thereís a lovely teddy!
I hope heís up to buy.
Is the shop-keeper ready?
That bear has caught my eye.

Letís show the man I really care,
Letís show him I have dosh!
Ooh - now Iíve bought that teddy bear;
He really is quite posh!

Iíll take my teddy home with love.
Heís so sweet & nice & soft!
And no heíll never go above,
Into the darkness of my loft.

Iíll put him in a special place,
Where I can see him all the time.
Looking at his happy face,
And being glad that he is mine.
Weíre happy little integrated circuits.
We donít like a lot of heat,
So please be quick about it,
When you solder to our feet.