The Poems Page.

(This is a parody of We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel, but with stuff to do with the Chinese TV show, The King’s Woman. If you have not seen it, and plan to see it, do not read any further, because it has spoilers. If you have seen it, sing on. I tried to do my best to get it to fit with the original song, but it was kinda tricky. It does not follow any chronological order either. Also, a couple of things I mention may not’ve been in the show, but that I read in 2016 in an article about Ying Zheng. I also put extra commas in to try and make the word grouping more easy to follow with the original song too.)

Qi, Yan, Zhao, Han, not even Chu can
Get to be competin’, or be beatin’, the power of Qin.
Something red, in the bed, looks like, a severed head.
The King is mad & in a spin - guess he’s doing someone in.

Lotsa states to conquer, Lao Ai’s big plonker,
Concubines up the duff, Min Dai’d had enough.
Fancy jade, traitor maids, plenty of nice blades
Sliced necks, talks of sex, no one seen in the buff.

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Han Shen, Tian Guang, General Fan & Qin Wu Yang
Li Zhong too - he was blue, when Jing Ke ran him through.
Lady Jing, Lady Han, Han Fei and Madam Chu,
Yes, that’s right, by the end, they had copped it too.

Lan Er, Tian Ming, even good old General Meng,
Zhao Gao, Qing Er - she was working for the King-er.
Dan from Yan had a plan; shoulda sent another man!
Ge Nie vs Xiahou Yang - he finally gets the finger!

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Jing & Lan in a cave! My that girl sure was brave!
Learning moves, Huluo Guide, fancy swords, Bao Ye is snide.
Who has croaked, who did strive? Who the heck, stayed alive?
The ha-rem wiped out now, I think half the cast has died.

Uh huh
Uh huh

Folks of Yan, thanking her. That cheeky King: such a cur.
Ying Zheng, planning soon, another big, scheme of doom.
Jing Ke, getting drunk, let’s all hope, he beats the funk!
Zhao Ji’s sad, could go mad, assassins in the bedroom!

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

4 brothers, of Qin, Master Ge, does ’em in.
“Uncle Han, please don’t die.” Tian Ming begins to cry.
Yan Dan down, on his knees, who else, can give him ease?
Poison swaps, dowagers drop, rainbows in the sky.
Changping, Cheng Jiao, Fu Su & Li Si.
Lu Bu Wei, had his day, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening

Danding Gang, mandarins, coughing blood, poisonin’s.
Kidnappings, sacrifice, the state of Qin’s too dry for rice.
Miss Li Er gets a scarf, next episode, she has a bath.
Miscarriages more than twice, dude that wasn’t very nice.
Riding horses, on the run, boy that harem could be fun.
In the prison, getting slashed, lots of blood, skin got gashed,
Sad fates, weapons nabbed, red dates, people stabbed
I don’t wanna sound too brash, but that Miss Dilraba I’d like to pash!

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
But when she is gone
The King’ll have to go on & on & on & on…

We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was oh so selfless
Thinking of the helpless
We didn’t kill the King’s woman
She was secretly fighting
While the King was frightening…

The Dreamcast is a snazzy console So go and have a burl It’s got heaps of fun games to play And a funky little swirl.	Babes are hot and yummy When they’re sitting by the pool. They all wear sexy outfits And they make me want to drool.
Sportscars are fast and flashy With lots of grunt to spare They make me turn my head so fast That I’m losing all my hair!	The Saturn is a fancy box With lots of stuff on the interior The games are great, that’s for sure So it kicks some major posterior.
Knuckles is red Sonic is blue Sega is sweet And the rest are all poo.	How do I say I like you, More than what you know? I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me, And where I want to go. Please understand Why I feel the way I do, All I want is happiness Between me & you.
Here comes the groom, Looking like a broom. Slipped on a banana peel, And fell to his doom. Here comes the bride, Fair slim & narrow, Tripped on a garden rake And fell into a barrow. Here comes the cleaner, He sure left a mess. Slipped over the groom, And tore off his dress!	Windows, sodding Windows, It’s the biggest pain in history! From the town of Redmond, It’s about to hit an Apple tree!
Rock a bye Uriel on the tower top, If the heir goes, the Empire will stop. When the amulet breaks, the gates will all fall, And down will come Dagon, Daedra and all.	A Fine Crow, Mance. (A parody of A Fine Romance, singing instead about Jon Snow from Game Of Thrones. This is based off the wording that Frank Sinatra sang on the Romance CD we have. Some of it doesn’t make total sense, but I thought it would be amusing all the same.) A fine crow, Mance, with no missus. A fine crow, Mance, my friend this is. He should be like A couple of Hot Pie’s dishes, But he’s too cold from The Wall’s big old fissures. A fine crow, Mance, you won’t regret it A fine crow, Mance, will he ever wet it? Robb might as well cross the bridge Of the old man Frey. But he’s gonna have to pay! This is a fine crow, Mance! A fine crow, Mance, with no kisses, A fine crow, Mance, his sword never misses! His “sis” may have some clams for a dish of chowder, But he’s stuck here in this endless cold white powder. A fine crow, Mance — Who’s his mother? A fine crow, Mance, he’s gotta lotta brothers! He might well be related to Daenerys, He should befriend Lord Varys. This is a fine crow, Mance.
We Didn’t Kill The King’s Woman (This is a parody of We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel, but with stuff to do with the Chinese TV show, The King’s Woman. If you have not seen it, and plan to see it, do not read any further, because it has spoilers. If you have seen it, sing on. I tried to do my best to get it to fit with the original song, but it was kinda tricky. It does not follow any chronological order either. Also, a couple of things I mention may not’ve been in the show, but that I read in 2016 in an article about Ying Zheng. I also put extra commas in to try and make the word grouping more easy to follow with the original song too.) Qi, Yan, Zhao, Han, not even Chu can Get to be competin’, or be beatin’, the power of Qin. Something red, in the bed, looks like, a severed head. The King is mad & in a spin - guess he’s doing someone in. Lotsa states to conquer, Lao Ai’s big plonker, Concubines up the duff, Min Dai’d had enough. Fancy jade, traitor maids, plenty of nice blades Sliced necks, talks of sex, no one seen in the buff. We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was secretly fighting While the King was frightening Han Shen, Tian Guang, General Fan & Qin Wu Yang Li Zhong too - he was blue, when Jing Ke ran him through. Lady Jing, Lady Han, Han Fei and Madam Chu, Yes, that’s right, by the end, they had copped it too. Lan Er, Tian Ming, even good old General Meng, Zhao Gao, Qing Er - she was working for the King-er. Dan from Yan had a plan; shoulda sent another man! Ge Nie vs Xiahou Yang - he finally gets the finger! We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was secretly fighting While the King was frightening Jing & Lan in a cave! My that girl sure was brave! Learning moves, Huluo Guide, fancy swords, Bao Ye is snide. Who has croaked, who did strive? Who the heck, stayed alive? The ha-rem wiped out now, I think half the cast has died. Uh huh Uh huh Folks of Yan, thanking her. That cheeky King: such a cur. Ying Zheng, planning soon, another big, scheme of doom. Jing Ke, getting drunk, let’s all hope, he beats the funk! Zhao Ji’s sad, could go mad, assassins in the bedroom! We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was secretly fighting While the King was frightening 4 brothers, of Qin, Master Ge, does ’em in. “Uncle Han, please don’t die.” Tian Ming begins to cry. Yan Dan down, on his knees, who else, can give him ease? Poison swaps, dowagers drop, rainbows in the sky. Changping, Cheng Jiao, Fu Su & Li Si. Lu Bu Wei, had his day, what else do I have to say? We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was secretly fighting While the King was frightening Danding Gang, mandarins, coughing blood, poisonin’s. Kidnappings, sacrifice, the state of Qin’s too dry for rice. Miss Li Er gets a scarf, next episode, she has a bath. Miscarriages more than twice, dude that wasn’t very nice. Riding horses, on the run, boy that harem could be fun. In the prison, getting slashed, lots of blood, skin got gashed, Sad fates, weapons nabbed, red dates, people stabbed I don’t wanna sound too brash, but that Miss Dilraba I’d like to pash! We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman But when she is gone The King’ll have to go on & on & on & on… We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was oh so selfless Thinking of the helpless We didn’t kill the King’s woman She was secretly fighting While the King was frightening…	Teddy Bear Poems For Kids (& bigger ones) • There’s a teddy in my toaster. Yes, he’s rather brown. He isn’t really a boaster, But he sometimes goes to town. He wears a little crumpet, And carries a slice of bread. Watch that knob - don’t bump it! Or else he’ll end up dead. • My teddy has a fancy tail; It really likes a touch. Just watch him with your finger-nail. It might wear out too much. • Ooh! There’s a lovely teddy! I hope he’s up to buy. Is the shop-keeper ready? That bear has caught my eye. Let’s show the man I really care, Let’s show him I have dosh! Ooh - now I’ve bought that teddy bear; He really is quite posh! I’ll take my teddy home with love. He’s so sweet & nice & soft! And no, he’ll never go above, Into the darkness of my loft. I’ll put him in a special place, Where I can see him all the time. Looking at his happy face, And being glad that he is mine. • I like to find a teddy bear & give them a new home. They just want some steady care & not to feel alone.
We’re happy little integrated circuits. We don’t like a lot of heat, So please be quick about it, When you solder to our feet.